Sexuality and Attraction and (briefly) Relationships. (Oh My!)

Sexuality. It's kind of a confusing thing to talk about, you know? Especially since I still feel like I'm discovering, defining, understanding, and accepting it each day...Which is probably normal, since I'm only 19 years old and I've never been in a long-term relationship. I've dated though – both boys and girls – but really, I still feel like my attraction is constantly fluctuating. You see, some days, I'll think about how I really do just want to be with a guy. Other days, I'm 98% sure girls are it for me. Other times, I've had the misfortune of not being attracted to a single person – deeming either the whole of humanity unlikable or deeming myself as somewhat different. It's why I prefer the term Queer when identifying myself. If you look in Wikipedia (shhh it's a viable source) it's defined as: “An umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual, or gender-binary. “ I remember when I first found that word and felt something inside of me click. It's difficult sometimes, having to explain to people what it means and its history, but I feel that it's worth it. It's not been terribly hard coming to terms with my sexuality nor has it been terribly easy. I've felt heartbreak and something akin to love, yet very few people in my real life know about it – not because I'm ashamed of being me, but because I guess I'm a bit afraid it'll change their perception of me. I always swore though, that if I ever enter into a relationship – regardless of gender – I would in fact tell people. Hell, I'm pretty sure I would tell people who really couldn't care less, because that's the kind of relationship I want; the one where I'm so in awe of the person I'm with, I want to scream it from the rooftops. Anyway. Like I said, sexuality can be confusing. Some people are so set on who they are attracted to, others move around, others are stuck in an in between – and you know what? All of the above is okay. And you know what else? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what label – if any – you use to identify yourself. What matters is that you're comfortable in your identity. You define the label, the label does not define you. And hey, if you don't want one, that's totally cool too. In my experience, what matters is getting to know yourself well enough to figure out what's comfortable for you. Maybe that comfort zone is permanent or maybe it changes tomorrow. It doesn't matter; what does matter is that you let yourself be attracted to who you're attracted to, feel what you have to feel, and let yourself love who you love. Relationships can be terrifying – but that's a whole 'nother discussion – and defining your sexuality can be too. So just, take it slow and give it whatever name you want to give it. You'll know deep down when you've found the right one. Trust me, it'll click. For me, for right now, I call myself Queer. Whether that changes or not – I personally don't know. What I do know is that I like people. I like boys. I like girls. Sometimes, I don't like anybody and I'm convinced that I'm more than enough (lol); but for the most part, I'm slowly looking for someone and at the end of the day my attraction to them is not dependent on what gender that person is. So, hey. Hit me up ;) hahaha -SF

#sf