They're called accidents for a reason

So. A little more than a month ago I had my Very First Car Accident©. It was, as you can probably imagine, not the best experience. See, I had only had my driver's license for about 7 months at the time. I wasn't (and I'm still not lol) one to go out much, so for all of high school and my first year of college I either got a ride with friends or had my parents drive me everywhere. (I'd like to point out that due to the fact that I never go out, whenever I do the parental units jump at the chance to drive me anywhere). Anyway, my point is I'm still a bit of a newbie when it comes to driving. As I was saying, there's me and it's about 4ish in the afternoon and I'm leaving my Dad's apartment. I had stopped by there to print something for the class I had at 5PM. As I'm pulling out of the little side street where my Dad lives, there's this little 4-way intersection, which clearly means, there's a stop sign. Now look, I'll be the first to admit that sometimes I tap-n-go and don't fully stop, but here's the thing: I was going slow and I was already glancing at both sides in order to make sure I could just cruise by. CRASH. I hit a car that for the life of me I had not seen. My only excuse really, was that maybe the Sun's glare coupled with the fact that it was a white car caused me to not see it? I don't know, because trust me, I felt like the stupidest person alive for not seeing that car. It also didn't help that the lady who was in the passenger seat quickly jumped out to YELL AT ME ABOUT HER PRECIOUS CAR and all the while I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do and my hands are shaking like crazy. Obviously, the lady makes that decision for me and yells at me to move my damn car. I move, I park. They move, they park. The front end of their 2012 Ford Whatever has a HUGE dent on the front driver's side, while my beautiful 2004 Ford Focus is intact. No, like seriously, not even a scratch. I get out my phone and I'm trying to find my Dad's number, but I can't seem to get my hands to stop shaking and my thoughts are going by too fast for me to even really settle on anything. (You know Dad is always on you about that stop sign / How the hell did you not see that car? / You are going to be late for class, hell are you even going to make it? / Oh god, the presentation you have to give, you are so fucked) As I glance up I see my Dad coming over having heard the crash in his apartment. I rush over and he is the picture of serenity. I start immediately apologizing and he tells me, “It's okay, it happens.” Not once did my Dad scold me. Eventually, my Stepmom comes down as well, my Dad talks the lady and her husband down (even going so far as to tell them that yelling at me isn't going to solve anything and that we should just be thankful that everyone is alright), and a police office arrives (bonus: he's friends with my Dad, so yay). So, everything gets squared away. By the time we're finally walking back to the apartment, I finally settle on an emotion: humiliation. I felt so, so, stupid. I start to cry. My Dad & my Stepmom do their best to calm me down, and then drive me to hand in my assignment at college. (bonus: the professor was really cool about it and let me make up the presentation and I got a 98% on the assignment oh yeah). Later that day, when I get home I am so nervous my Mom's going to be angry. She's always telling me to be careful and to leave on time so that I'm not in a rush. The moment she gets home, I burst into tears again. My Mom doesn't scold me either. See, the thing is, I've always put on this immense amount of pressure on myself to not disappoint my parents. Anger I can deal with, but disappointment I cannot handle. I value their opinions as adults, I respect them as people, I enjoy spending time with them as friends, and I never ever want to disappoint them as parents – and that's all me. They've never demanded perfection of me – only for me to do my best. They've always been supportive and loving, and really there was no reason for me to feel as terrible as I did. So you see, accidents happen and beating yourself up over them is not going to change the fact that you ran a stop sign or whatever. Without mistakes, we'd never learn anything. So, embrace your imperfectly human life (I'm trying) and hey, if you're ever in this situation take it easy. The important thing is, that you're okay. ...And that you have insurance, because DAMN do those newer cars dent like soda cans. -SF

#sf